Free Beer!

Nah. But…

On the off chance that one of the twelve people who read this is in the Jacksonville, FL area, I have 2 general admission tickets to give away for Book Obsessed Babes at the Omni (which is a woo -hoo hotel) on April 8, 2017. Taira Wilds and Sheer Bliss Events put on an excellent show/event/happening. Seriously, if you’re a reader,  I can get you in the door. Comment if you’re interested.

Bobase Jax 17

Book Obsessed Babes 2017 Link

I also have 2 tickets (General Admission) to give away for The Love of Books and Alcohol in Sarasota on July 15, 2017 at the Ritz (I shouldn’t need to say, another woo-hoo hotel). Comment if you’re interested.

For Love of Books July 2017 Sarasota

For the Love of Books and Alcohol 2017 Link

 

Mess Not With Authors

You know, I believe in peace and love, be the change you want to see in the world, what goes around comes back around times three, if someone bothers you, just wish them good luck so that they’ll be too distracted by it to bother you, I’m learning to meditate, I have an impressive collection of gemstone Buddhas, you get the idea.

Peace and love and all that jazz

Peace and love and all that jazz

There are times, however, when all that goes by the wayside and what I want to really do would get me three hots and a cot for years if not the rest of my natural life.

These times are generally tied to someone deciding they need to fuck up my life.

Case in point: Old man neighbor. I leave him alone. However, he tries to block the path when I’m returning from walking my cousin’s dogs (the Assistant and the Intern). Cousin does not want him messing with the dogs, I don’t want to waste time because I generally must get back to work and don’t have time to indulge him. He will try to distract them while I have them out doing their business by whistling. The Intern must have a form of doggy ADD because it’s hard to keep her focused on peeing and pooping unless she really has to go. She is his target because she is extremely cute. “Oh, the little perro.” And he will block the sidewalk when I try to return. I have taken to cutting across the grass. He has “chased” me to the door because I evaded him. He doesn’t like that. I almost threw a bag of poop at him. That I had picked up (the Intern’s).

Now he’s told the management company that I don’t pick up poop. It’s a lie. Just because I won’t let him do what he wants. So either he blocks the path or traps me at the front door while I’m trying to get animals inside. This is a tort called “false imprisonment.”

It’s also sexism.

I’ve had dealings before with cranky old men who don’t like my non-submissive attitude. You’re not paying my bills, you’re not running my life.

Now I have to deal with another old fart who’s decided to be an asshole because I don’t obey him.

And here’s where the meditation comes in. And visualization.

I am not seeing myself pounding on his door and verbally tearing him a new one. I am not seeing myself gently applying a baseball bat to his head.

Well, I can. Legally.

I’m an author. I can write his nasty old bossy ass into a story and kill it, beat it, berate it, anything I want.

You are warned

You are warned

Never screw with an author.

george rr martin

And he hates my Patriots

And he hates my Patriots

Spam Spam Spam Spam

With a blog, you get comments. Actually, ANYTHING you do on the Internet is bound to get comments these days. Inevitably, they include spam.

john cleese spam

Monty Python Spam

No, not the fun kind of spam as seen above. I’m talking computer-generated “what the hell does this mean” kind of spam. As such, I dedicate tonight’s post to a cross-section of what has to be cleaned out weekly:

free amateur porn gallery porn milf group mathilda porn hd porn thums free sign up for porn

(I can probably write better stuff. And spell it correctly).

What a pleasant YouTube video it is! Remarkable, I loved it, and I am sharing this YouTube record with all my friends.

(Dude, this isn’t Youtube)

 

find girl for dating italy free dating site transexual dating free phone number cape town sex dating

(What, exactly are you saying?)

I am cheap Charles Clay jerseys supplier online,

(Sounds like an identity crisis)

I just could not go away your site prior to suggesting that I really loved the usual information a person provide to your visitors? Is gonna be back incessantly in order to check up on new posts

(Maybe let’s cut back the caffeine, shall we?)

The root logs me, I get news

(Ernest Hemingway, is that you?)

Home Depot Garden Hoses

(No explanation needed)

I see your page needs some unique content. Writing manually is time consuming,
but there is solution for this.

(Ain’t it the truth)

And finally, my all-time favorite, see it most often (says it all, really):

 

??????????,??????????, ??? ????? ????? ??????? ????? ? ????????????.
????? ????? ????, ???????????? 

Taking on a Life of Their Own

I’m writing again and not just this blog and tweets hurled at the current occupant of the White House (Secret Service hasn’t been by to visit). In order to have new material, I have to sit down and actually create it (no chip in my head to translate to the Internet for your viewing pleasure. It’s a crazy, scary, jumbled mess up there anyway with calculations, mortgage guidelines, cat videos/memes/memories, and visualization of myself with the winning Powerball ticket. And stories, fragments, and “what ifs.” If my brain was a TV show, it would be an episode of “Hoarders” subtitled “The Craziest Pile of Shit We’ve Found Yet.”)

Looks about right

Looks about right

But I digress.

So, I’ve started work on a short story (whopping 802 words over 3 nights. Woo). I start out with pen and notebook (leopard print) writing narrative. It’s like jump-starting a standard transmission; hold in the clutch, get your friends to push it, when you get to around 10 MPH, pop it in first. My throwing it into first is moving the words from ink and paper to pixels on a screen.

And, that’s where the craziness happens.

Ask any author (and any author who reads this blog is invited to comment): At some point, your characters stop obeying your wishes and start doing things on their own. For instance, my current story (it’s a short story, so if I post spoilers, there won’t be anything left for you to read). I had an idea for what I wanted Patti and Ed to do. Their own words started coming out of their mouths. And then they started moving and doing “stuff” faster than I could keep up.

Time to turn off the motor, i.e., go back to the pen and paper to take notes.  (Please note: that is the proper use of i.e. Merriam-Webster wouldn’t lie)

This is really my notebook

This is really my notebook

So, I started scribbling. (I’m afraid to try to read my own handwriting) Dialogue fragments, questions to myself about the direction, various storylines (my initial one wasn’t necessarily going to remain). I almost wish I smoked (Never have). Just seems like a cigarette would be a useful prop for thinking. Cross-outs, margin notes, more questions…

All because two imaginary people decided to take on a life of their own.

My goal is to have this story complete (edited, printed, bound) in time for Book Obsessed Babes 2017 in Jacksonville on April 8 (Should my local friends read this, bring back a bagel and coffee from Einstein’s for me on Sunday, please).

After I finish writing this post, finding amusing photos to insert (or half naked men. They can be amusing, too), I will see where Patti and Ed lead me.

Half naked

Half naked