Tag Archive | Monique DeSoto

All Choked Up

(I originally wrote this for May 22. Wrote it as a page, not a post. Yeah. That kind of day)

So, under “Monique DeSoto,” I released “Patti Goes to the Dungeon”recently. 99 cent short story, sold a whopping ten copies, but still…

(99 cents. Go buy the damned story. $.99 won’t bankrupt you and you’ll laugh your butt off. Here, let me help…)

https://www.amazon.com/Patti-Goes-Dungeon-Monique-DeSoto-ebook/dp/B06Y1C5W69/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495494575&sr=8-1&keywords=patti+goes+to+the+dungeon

I’m getting asked for the next one.

Yikes!

This is the moment when a lot of authors talk about how they get inspired and motivated and go a week without sleep pounding the keyboard to meet the demand of their fans.

Image result for kermit pounding the keyboard

https://youtu.be/wmq6VVNqPz4

My reaction?

(eek)

I’m like some Douglas Adams character that only functions when you don’t look at it directly. Very strange mental block, I must admit. But then again, I’ve never done things the way most folks do. I got in trouble in kindergarten. A lot, actually, but in this case, we were told to draw a brown bear with a black outline. I drew a blue bear with a brown outline (my fashion sense wasn’t fully developed. I didn’t know you don’t put blue with brown). I did my own thing.

My point is that I had a bunch of ideas for more funny erotica. After all, I want to turn this into a collection. Had I written them before the reviews came in, I’d be golden. Maybe some editing, but they’d have flown.

Now that people are looking, I’ve gone dry.

“(Yes, Folks! She thinks she can make a living at this!” “Yeah, right!”)

So, ahead of For Love of Books and Florida, July 15 in Sarasota, I will produce the next Monique DeSoto short story. I will start scribbling it tonight (I MUST start with pen and paper. It’s a jump start to the creative process).

And not choke.

Live! And Getting Good Reviews!

“Patti Goes to the Dungeon,” my first publication under “Monique DeSoto” is live across all platforms (except Scribd, which is staffed by Puritans) for a mere 99 cents American (77 p in pounds sterling, I believe).

These are the reviews so far:

” heard it was billed as “Woody Allen meets 50 shades” and I couldn’t agree more. Hilarious and racey, had to fan myself while laughing. Looking forward to more from this author.”

And

“Not even going to lie – this was the funniest erotica short story I have ever read! Absolutely fun and very realistic. DeSoto did a great job bringing real life humor into this read.”

Go! Go buy it! 99 cents for a laugh (anything else is between you and your partner)

https://www.amazon.com/Patti-Goes-Dungeon-Monique-DeSoto-ebook/dp/B06Y1C5W69/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495144391&sr=8-1&keywords=patti+goes+to+the+dungeon

You’ll never hear, “Hey, Siri” the same way again.

Let Me Entertain You

This blog, this here blog, which got its most hits for a post titled “I Am an Idiot, I Admit It Freely” is supposed to be a marketing tool. “Content, content, Content!” (With the accent on the first syllable to indicate that there is something in the post v. accent on the second syllable to indicate being happy and serene. Given what I see you guys spell and post, – INCLUDING PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS. JEEBUS! WHERE ARE YOUR EDITORS??? – I may have to start posting the basics of composition, spelling, and grammar. You just give up one hour of reality TV per week and I’ll have you whipped into shape. I will). Not always easy to come up with something. I have products to promote. Do you bastards ever buy my books? No. 99 freakin’ cents! For good stuff! Seriously! I’m throwing links in here.

I have two books currently available on Amazon under my own name: ” These Foolish Things” and At Last.” As Kindle e-books, they are $1.99 and $.99 respectively.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Susan-Thatcher/e/B00DPX0S7E/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1

And, coming May 13, a short, sassy, sexy NC17 story under a new pen name, Monique Desoto:

https://www.amazon.com/Patti-Goes-Dungeon-Monique-DeSoto-ebook/dp/B06Y1C5W69/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493595526&sr=1-1&keywords=patti+goes+to+the+dungeon

I am reluctant to plaster my social media accounts with promotions and ads. I can tune out ads I find annoying and tune them out quickly. I don’t want to be one of those promotions. It’s a fine line between getting noticed and getting ignored because you overdid it. A friend who is in advertising tells me it takes five times for someone to see something (an ad) before it registers and the percentage of conversion narrows down in a swift, steep funnel. Not encouraging. I know authors who will hit all of the Facebook author/reader groups they belong to and hit them all daily for a period of time. I don’t know if it works or not; I haven’t felt compelled to buy a lot of books from that method. Kind of like reusing a tea bag. The Law of Diminishing ReturnsI confess: I am not diligent about tweeting (except to respond to the current President’s Twitter feed) or Instagram or Tumblr, Google +, etc. I don’t have a reader group or  a street team. Yet.

I get good advice. Do I follow up on it? Eh, not so much. See previous post about being an idiot.

I have great dreams for these books, that they’ll find their audience, word of mouth will take over and I’ll have sleeper hits beloved by millions. I don’t know if that’s appropriate self-confidence, self-delusion, or the inner six-year-old playing in the backyard and saying, “I’m the greatest batter/dancer/actor/singer ever!”

Greatest? No. I couldn’t dream up a tenth of the scenarios Margaret Atwood can or O.Henry did (Monique DeSoto writes short stories). I do have an imagination. I like to think I write terrific dialogue and while I don’t think I have an entire Universe in my like J.K. Rowling, I do down roads less traveled, like first real love at forty or humorous erotica.

Look: Click the links, buy the books. Get your friends to click the links and buy the books. All 3 are less than one of those Unicorn Frappucinos they had at Starbucks.

Let me entertain you.

And Onward…

bobasekjax17 selfie

 

Yes, I’m still here. This is the second week in a row I missed the Thursday post.

And the second week in a row none of your shnooks complained about it.

Book Obsessed Babes Jacksonville 2017 has come and gone. The above photo is me playing selfie. For that to happen, I need 1) fresh hair color and cut, 2) a good night’s sleep the night before, 3) preferably something blue, and 4) a face full of makeup. And voila, I took a picture. I will add photos to this post at a later date. Let me tell you what I did.

I have previously written erotica for Playgirl magazine. Year ago. I decided to wade in again, but do it in my own fashion: make it funny. Laughter is sexy. Sex is ridiculous. However, since this is a new direction for me. I chose a pen name (Monique DeSoto) and wrote “Patti Goes to the Dungeon.”

“What happens?” you ask.

“Spend 99 cents to find out, ” I reply.

So, I  offer the following pre-order for your consideration:

Patti Promo

 

See that? You can just shoot that code with your phone! And push a button, then wait for delivery! Cool, huh?

No, I’m not good at teasing. But Patti is…