Archive | August 2014

There are Days and There Are Days

imageWriting is like any other activity in that some days, your pen (or keyboard) cannot keep up with your racing thoughts. You look up, it’s dark, in fact it’s the wee small hours of the next day, and your cats have gone to bed without you, leaving no space for the human who doesn’t know how to keep decent hours.


You may sleep on the couch, but your novel’s hero is about to confront his greatest, masked enemy whom he doesn’t know is his long lost brother. (Or you may discard that part because you were so tired and brain fried when your wrote it that it’s ridiculous when you’re sane again).

Then, there are the days when you have your nice, hot coffee, you have turned off all distraction,s, seat yourself at your writing space and…


image image

Yup. Your brain has hijacked your cast of characters and pulled a Ferris Bueller. (And your brain says, “Hey! “Ferris Bueller’s on Netflix! Let’s watch it!”) I’ve had days where I’ve gotten bathrooms cleaned, laundry done and solved ten New York Times crossword puzzles, but couldn’t figure out what to write after a character says, “

(No, that wasn’t a typo)

The same goes with writing this blog. There are days where I have a specific point to make or information to share, the there are days where it’s just “Well, I need to put up a post.” Essentially the same as the character saying,”

(Still not a typo)

There is an upcoming topic on established authors bashing us self-published folk. Trust me, there was an uproar on Facebook. But today, I’ll just leave things where they are and end with my usual push to get all y’all to buy my books.

The One Without a Title

It’s time for forgiveness.

If I have genuinely injured or caused you harm , I am sincerely sorry. Very seldom do I intend to set out to harm or use anyone else. If you feel I have wronged you, it was not personal or intentional.  I am sorry.

If you have wronged me, I forgive you. With the objective view that time and distance permits, I realize that your actions were not guided by malice but by ignorance and selfishness. You cannot help who you are. You are forgiven.

I forgive myself for the wrongs I have done. In hindsight, I realize that my actions were driven by fear, ignorance, and desperation. I have learned since then to work from a more positive frame of mind for better results.

I forgive myself for the wrongs I have done to myself. They have sprung from trying to secure friendships from people who just wanted to see me jump through hoops, from attempts to live the life I want, from “I’ll show you” at bad times. I have learned my lesson.

I forgive those who have deliberately wronged me. You damaged things of mine for your own reasons, stole from me, excluded me from important events, and told yourself and others lies about me to further your own interests. I forgive you for demeaning the things I have done for you to support a bond that never really existed. I realize that you were raised to be self-centered, demanding, egotistical, and a hypocrite. I forgive you because you were raised by a narcissist to be the next generation, and have perfected “operational truth.” I forgive you for your buried hostility, competitiveness, and grasping ways. You have to live with yourself. I don’t. I forgive you.

I forgive the manipulators and users I have encountered. It is how you move through life. I will not apologize for realizing what your game was and refusing to play anymore. It is a shame that you lack self-confidence and fear truth to such an extent that you need to portray yourself as victim. While I forgive you, I will not allow you another chance to run your game on me again.

I forgive you for telling the untruth “Well, I did the best that I could.” That was an operational truth. You pursued a selfish course of action that shifted the burden of your duties to others and caused. I forgive you for projecting your insecurities onto me. I forgive you for messing up a healthy self-image because you were unhappy within yourself. You did what was easiest for you regardless of how it affected those around you. You did know better. You just chose the selfish path. I forgive you because in addition to the harm done, you denied it to yourself and others. You are forgiven.


i forgive you for using me as a proxy for your duties, as your emotional garbage can, as the means to achieve your ends then breaking promises made to secure my cooperation. Operational truth. I forgive you for not knowing the difference between who was telling the truth and who was telling you what you wanted to hear.  I forgive you for not treating me as you did the others. I am sorry I did not fit the mold you wanted me so desperately to fill to satisfy your ego.  I forgive you and I forgive myself for  ignoring my better instincts to try, unsuccessfully, to,please you. I forgive myself for,the damage I have done to my life in a futile quest to make you happy. I  forgive you for making those demands.


and I forgive you for not being the person I thought you were. You have shown yourself to be untrustworthy by all who meet you, a practitioner of operational truth. I am not the only soul stranded in the path of destruction you have left behind you. And there will be more. You have wished your ills upon me and gotten angry when I refused to accept them. I forgive you. Should our paths cross again, I will learn the lesson you taught me; I will keep you at arm’s length.  I forgive you.


Greetings to the 7 or 8 people who actually read this blog and my books (okay, that’s a reverse exaggeration. However, I am not a best seller – yet- so….I’m taking license with the numbers).


and they are 50% off at Smashwords with those magic coupon codes.

I had been working on the prequel to “These Foolish Things” and “At Last” (tentatively titled “The Baldie Chronicles”), but it has been a struggle and not just because of disruptions by real life.  Telling Liz’s story before Ty has been tough.

Meanwhile, not so subtle pressure has been building for a story after “At Last.” I had intended the story to end exactly where it did. My hand to God and and  a notarized affidavit.

Here’s the thing: where a younger Liz wasn’t talking to me very much (you writers of fiction understand), the Liz of my creation WONT SHUT UP. Neither will Millie, Angie, Joey or …Ty. Actually, he just sits back and lets everyone else do the talking. Ty is cool like that.


Yeah, ah, okay, this is how I visualize him.

So, as I write this, I’m sitting in a Starbucks (how stereotypical) researching stroke recovery. And scribbling questions to myself  (the creativity works better with pen and paper). And I have another composition book. And I’m having trouble keeping up what I’m “hearing ” from Liz and friends (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING OVER EACH OTHER..!?!?!??? JESUS KUH-RIST ALMIGHTY!).

All y’all who said, “I want more!” It’s coming.

“Baldie Chronicles” is on hold.

“Untitled Liz Gardner Project” is underway. (Which means I need to do some changes on the Amazon site listing “At Last” as the third book.)

Je Me Souviens

The title comes from all the Quebec license plates I saw growing up. It means I remember (or zi remind myself).

if you know me personally,you know things have been challenging lately.same for my adopted home of Southern California. I not saying there’s a Fisher King kind of connection (if you saw “Excalibur,” you saw the legend of the Fisher King onscreen. When you weren’t looking at Helen Mirren’s armor-piercing nipples:


nothing like a dame…), but we seem to in sync with droughts. I gave thanks in advance for rain last week, thinking forward to October and a whopping El Niño (which is what we’d need to ease the drought). Lo and behold, we’ve had some unseasonal rain in the last 48 hours. Very, very welcome. So if the state is getting some relief, maybe it’s my turn.



I don’t have the amazing success of Jasinda Wilder or Bella Andre (self-published authors who have sold millions) YET, but those two teasers up there are evidence that I do have two published books.

I remind myself that I have two potentially vey successful properties out and available for sale . I said potentially  very successful because I believe that once the tipping point is reached, they Will be huge hits. Relatable characters, warmth, humor. I digress. I can hold copies in my hand. These aren’t just daydreams while I work at a job that I have just to pay the bills. I have done this. I have written a story. It is not locked in my head (Although the odds are long without a push in the right direction) My books can be found by someone who wants to make them into movies or someone as influential as Oprah could take a shine to them. Long odds, like I said, but not impossible.

I have achieved a lifelong dream.



I wanted to be an entertainer for as ling as I can remember.  I wanted to be on “Laugh In” live from Beautiful Downtown Bur. I had to get to California. It took me 40 years, but I got to California. Although I didn’t get here I time to be a regular on Laugh In (nor did an acting career really take off), I was in Beautiful Downtown Burbank this afternoon.

I have achieved two lifelong dreams.

so, while I haven’t manifested (yet) the Prize Patrol on the doorstep with an over sized check or an eccentric billionaire just coming up to hand me $100,000 (wouldn’t that be fun? And in this daydream, he always moves like Stimpy doing “Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.”), I remind myself that I have the education, skills, and experience for a better job than what I have. Everything after UVM and the first interview with Fidelity Investments was on my initiative. This includes career changes and law school.

I have gotten myself this far. image

You’ re still looking at Helen Mirren’s nipples, aren’t you?