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Oct19

Yesterday, at an event nominally attended by adults, I found myself back in high school dealing with a self-appointed queen bee. I was not part of the in crowd 30 years ago nor am I part of the clique now.

This person has not treated me with any kind of courtesy, professional, mature, or even human since I’ve known her. Yesterday, she walked by my table, with my name on, gave a little “fuck you” smile and walked on to hang out with her group. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was the SAQB, but when she started snapping selfies with the other women, I knew.

Wow. Not even high school. More like playground.

As I left and she was talking to a couple of people we both know, suddenly, it was friendly. That’s when I made my error:

Her back was turned. But since there was a Facebook rant within a couple of hours, someone told her.

One of my favorites. I always liked Nelson Rockefeller. Study that picture; it’s the near-extinct moderate Republican.

The rant stated, in plural, that she would never “handle” any of my works (the ongoing attitude indicated that wasn’t going to happen anyway. No loss), had a libelous element to it “we know she pays for her reviews.” (huh? Well, patent falsehood stated as a fact with the intent to cause harm is actionable. I got one of my few law school As in Torts), that I have awful covers (loose translation: taste and simplicity are not a substitute for Fabio-style in flagrante delicto, and that I have “horrible sales” ( apparently, I’ve been getting tracked. So much for not caring) . Oh, and when her breathless minions wanted my name so they could boycott, she said something about me being post-menopausal. Not libelous, but leads to this being appropriate:

What I regret about my action is solely this: it gave consequence to a small time drama queen. Part of the manipulation of followers is the periodic need to refresh their sympathies and that allowed her to do it. It’s Sarah Palin’s MO when she gets caught saying or doing something extraordinarily stupid or mean (we see it a lot). My mistake; I fed the beast.

The authors around me noticed the cold shoulder and asked, making note of the name. See, even big fish in small ponds need to behave in a professional manner and acting like a teenager is the antithesis of that.

Who you really are is what you do when you think no one is going to catch you. If they read this, those clucking and calling for my head SHOULD be asking themselves what the SAQB says about them behind their backs. If they’re useful to her especially for name-dropping purposes, it’s probably harmless.

I’m free to say what I want here because this blog doesn’t draw a lot of attention. Even if it does, I haven’t stated falsehoods as facts, or threatened anyone’s livelihood. I operate on WYSIWYG. Maintaining two faces is more effort than it’s worth.

I know you’re thinking “Mean Girls,” and that does apply (although I’d like to see a new reference), but I’m more of a fan of “Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion,” especially the end when Romy tells off the SAQB of that film . More applicable since the stuck on the past mindset exists here.

That’s okay. This SAQB will go her way with her acolytes (Try crossing her and see what happens, girls) and I will go mine.

From the other side of the aisle. I am non-partisan.

Who Needs Feminism? You Do.

Oct14

Want to see me in person? Sure you do: this Saturday at the Burbank Public Library Buena Vista branch, I will be there, signing books, selling books. There will be a bunch of other great local authors of different genres. Come on down.

A few months ago, Facebook and other social media blew up over a Tumblr account of young women holding up signs declaring that they don’t need feminism:

Yeah. What this smugster doesn’t realize is that her gender has already been politicized whether she likes it or not.

This group reminds me of young, wealthy and privileged, like Paris Hilton or the Kardashians. They are enjoying the benefits that a parent or a grandparent sweated blood, fought, fell back, fought some more, and sacrificed to secure. They don’t see a need for others to fight and struggle because they themselves don’t need it.

They’re not thinking about things like Title IX as they go out for a college soccer or field hockey team. Or these women:

Because of their sacrifice, these young women are free to go vote for men (or women) who want to restrict access to birth control because it offends their religious sensibilities or outlaw abortion for the same reasons.

Know this woman? No? Do you young anti-feminists use birth control? She did a lot of fighting and sweating to lay the groundwork for that.

“I’m morally opposed to having my tax dollars pay for birth control and abortion.” Hey, I’m morally opposed to having my tax dollars pay a salary to a Congress that’s been sitting on its ass for 2 years and wasting taxpayer dollars on 50 plus show votes to repeal a law that’s working. I’m morally opposed to churches getting involved in politics and not having to pay taxes. I’m morally opposed to paying for war. I’d prefer the money went to supporting women in controlling their own destinies.

The young women in the Tumblr feed were not on the planet when the bitch shown on the left almost single-handedly sank the Equal Rights Amendment, which would have made gender equality a part of the Constitution. Know who she is? Someone dug up her nasty old ass and stuck a microphone in front of it. She’s running her trap again on topics as diverse as birth control, women’s rights (again. Jesus. Everything old is new again) and that she thinks the President is responsible for Ebola in the US. Phyllis Schlafly is an older edition of the spoiled rich kid who doesn’t appreciate the sacrifices that were made in order to allow her to publicly be a stupid shit. Seriously, though I generally do not wish I’ll on people, I want her to die soon and in the most embarrassing way possible.

Young Women Who Think They Don’t Need Feminism (especially THIS one):

Do you want to make your own decisions? Like whether or not to shave? (I’m a feminist and I shave. I have the choice) If you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy, how many choices do you want available as you chart your course? Just one? How about reading? Getting an education? Think it’s not necessary to fight that fight?

Malala Yousefzai

This girl was shot in the head because she said she thought girls getting an education was a good thing and should be a right.

Got a job? You got to choose that rather than having your father choose a husband for you (sometimes based on what kind of stuff your prospective husband was willing to trade for you. Goats, camels, land, a title (Consuelo Vanderbilt), cash, a corporate merger, building a political/Royal dynasty (Catherine of Aragon). Women stopped putting up with that shit. That’s feminism.

Earn money from that job? Do you enjoy getting to decide how you use it? Want to buy a house or rent an apartment? Get a car loan? Not so long ago, you couldn’t have done those things without a man getting involved, whether you were married or not.

Feminism, my dear, spoiled young ladies, is not about shaving body hair, or allowing a man to open a door for you. Remember telling someone “You’re not the boss of me”? That’s what feminism is about; fighting for and protecting the right of women to be their own bosses.

Respect is an earned thing, not a freebie. Feminism is not only about us making our own decisions, it’s about them being respected. See this guy? And the woman?

He’s now a US Supreme Court justice whose confirmation hit a major snag when he was accused of sexual harassment by the woman in blue. The hearings lasted days and the details were unflattering to an an educated man who would be making decisions affecting women. I suspect part of the reason that Justice Thomas does as little as possible on the bench is payback for being exposed. Know all the sexual sensitivity training that is now part of orientation? That came about because a woman came forward and said, “This is the shit I was subjected to as part of my employment. No one should have to deal with a hostile work environment.” That was over twenty years ago; two decades and four Presidents. Want to see what’s outside the HR Manager’s office where I work?

She doesn’t think we need feminism, either. And she’s in charge of enforcing the policies that prevent this kind of inappropriate shit.

And we have to deal with this kind of shit:

The reason we need feminism is because these battles from twenty, forty, fifty, and ninety years ago have not been won. People with means who don’t think that the American ideal of equal rights for all have been buying legislators on the state and Federal levels to undo this progress. Women are the majority in this country yet we are underrepresented in government at all levels. Do you honestly think the freedoms you enjoy now are going to be protected if women stop fighting for them?

You do need feminism, you spoiled little shits, even if you don’t want to mess up your manicure fighting for your rights.

On Figuring Out What I Need to Succeed

Sep16

First of all, the books are still for sale across all e-book platforms for 99 cents each until September 30. and there’s a handy-dandy list of links under the “Buy Now” tab up topside (nautical term from when my dad had a houseboat).

I have been remiss in my duties as a blogger and author of a blog by missing he last two positing dates (self- imposed. I intend to keep to Monday and Thursday). Laziness interfered, to be honest. I didn’t have much to say beyond, “Hey, buy my books!” and to my mind, that message gets old pretty fast. I deeply dislike high pressure salesmen (women) who, even if you politely decline help, insist on following you around in the store. Hey, buy my books

Just 99 Cents during September

The opening of Dunkin Donuts in Santa Monica is proof that not only is there a God, He/She hears and answers prayers. That first sip of iced coffee (cream and one Sweet N Low) was as deeply satisfying and wonderful as I remembered. (With respect to the Red Sox, I didn’t make any requests this year and it shows. My guys won the World Series last year. I’m not greedy. But, Father/Mother, can you do something with the Patriots, Celtics, and Bruins?) As I was kicking back with my iced coffee, Old Fashioned Doughnut, the Sunday New York Times crossword, and the aforementioned Pats pounding on the Vikings, I was content. I was checking Facebook and one of my friends had a thread going about children’s TV from way back when. The thread had led off with this picture:

Captain Kangaroo

And asked if the reader could identify him (Captain Kangaroo, of course). I was reminded of the weekend TV show out of Boston called “Boomtown.” It was Western-themed starring Rex Trailer.

The discussion made me remember my great ambition as a little kid. It wasn’t to be a lawyer, customer service representative, or mortgage underwriter (all of which I’ve been been doing for the past thirty years). I wanted to be an entertainer when I grew up (in my 5 year old mind’s eye, I saw myself tap dancing on stage. I love dance, took tap for 2 years. I sucked) When I was 8, I wrote a “finish the story” for Jack & Jill magazine that earned an honorable mention. Of course, I thought was the bee’s knees as a child author (and I remember a couple of stories I turned in in grade school that have, mercifully, been lost in time. They were pretentious. Yes, a fourth grader can be pretentious). I’ve started and stopped a bunch of stories and ideas. To me, it’s a lot of fun to think up the idea and I’ll scribble notes, snatches of dialogue, flashes of inspiration and then….eh. I have notes for stories ranging for a political satire to vampire satire to dystopian short stories and all the way to erotica (Yup. I can write smut. Embarrasses the hell out of certain family members, but I can make you jump your significant other). Why haven’t you seen these things? Life interferes; I work at jobs that leave me exhausted at the end of the day (focus, focus, focus) and in the case of customer service, emotionally drained. If I sit down to write, I hear a chorus of voices in my head (some people around now, some dead) telling me, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be looking for a job and you’re going to need a place to live. You don’t have time for anything else. Your job is to find a job and a home. When you have a new job and you’re not on the street, THEN you can write.” (yeah, my default setting is beating myself up) even if this is what I want to do for a living? “Well, how many books have you sold? Enough to live on? No? Get back on Craigslist (which doesn’t really have what I’m qualified to do).” I have an author page on Facebook that doesn’t see a lot of traffic. It’s mostly “buy my books” and promotional pictures for you to buy my books and links back to this website. On my personal page, I’ve been posting general good wishes of the the things I’d like to see come into my life. They don’t always get a bunch of “likes,” but I get feedback that people appreciate them. However… I run a third page called “Medieval Merriment.” (The name alone has me spelling medieval correctly on a consistent basis. An achievement). I post silly, medieval-themed stuff like this:

https://www.facebook.com/Medievalmerriment That one, I started up about 3 weeks ago, mid-August, and it has taken off. Over 300 followers already and according to the statistics, the pictures are getting shared and circulated at a staggering (to me) rate. One I posted yesterday has already been viewed over 1,500 times. So what’s the difference? Medieval Merriment is just entertainment. “Here’s a funny thing. Look and laugh.” It is, in a way, the thing I wanted to do as a kid: entertain people. I’ve never really been comfortable in a sales role unless I can engage someone one on one and make sure that what I’m selling is truly what he/she wants. I tried posting a couple of cartoons about writing, but that didn’t result in increased traffic. I want that traffic. I’ve tried engaging people by asking questions: crickets. I helped an author friend with a book launch and reviewing her book. Her books are going gangbusters (partly because she’s in the local romance author clique. Listen up and remember this: you only graduate from high school. The social dynamic remains throughout life). She has not reciprocated with boosting. So, it’s up to me. I’ve begun tweeting some of my favorite inspirational quotes, such as the following: (Thank God for memes, because that 140 character limit is a bear at times) I’m also trying to “cross pollinate” on the Medieval Merriment page to see if I can interest some of those folks in my writing. As yes, I have an idea for a medieval story. Very vague (like mysteries? Read the Brother Cadfael books), but the seed is there. If you’re reading this page and you’re on Facebook, let me give you the link to go like my author page: https://www.facebook.com/spthatcherauthor Y’all have a good day. I’m going to follow Thoreau’s advice and advance co differently in the direction of my dreams. Oh yeah: please share the hell out of this page.

Things to Ponder

May30

Within the space of two weeks, women, average women (average looking) have been given two news items to think about in the mixed message department of sexual politics.

Timewise, we first have the “Louie” episode, “So Did the Fat Lady.” The gist of it is that Louie is pining after the attractive waitresses at his nightclub and ignoring the energetic, smart fat girl. Here’s the clip (warning: raw language)

“So Did the Fat Lady” clip

This is nothing new. George Costanza on “Seinfeld” was a short, pudgy, balding, largely underemployed whiny schmendrick who didn’t see why he couldn’t date models. And that episode wasn’t the first time this dynamic was explored on a TV show. I auditioned for a “George Lopez” where his ugly little friend made a blind date and she rejected him in the bar even after he makes a “why not me” speech. I was given the audition because I had (and have) a big, unattractive body (eyes to die for and that limits me in roles because I’m not ugly enough. I’m stuck with writing) and it would be really funny for an unattractive woman to dump the unattractive guy, even though he tells her the choice is either him or nothing. Who could resist?

This is me. I was never one of the attractive, desirable girls. I look at pictures and think I looked okay (my weight was a lot lower in my 20s. Been a big issue – see what I did there? – ever since. Even when I took off 75 lbs. 3 years ago, no one showed interest). I’m 53. I can count on both hands the number of dates I’ve had and still have unused fingers. Plenty of male friends, but… I remember some friends in my law school class approaching one of my male classmates on my behalf. Understand, this gentleman was over 250 lbs. himself. His response? “One of us in this relationship needs to be thin.”

Yeah.

I’m smart, funny, I can cook, earn my own keep, clean house (I can. Not saying I always do), talk baseball, politics, culture. But I’m too (fill in the blank) or not enough (fill in another blank). It’s Mad Libs, the Dating Edition.

Of course, unwanted women are fodder for jokes. Back to the TV sitcoms, after the rejection comes the ice cream binges or adopting a bunch of cats or an awkward attempt at lesbianism.

This is one of the reasons I created Liz Gardner and Ty Hadley of “These Foolish Things.” I wanted to show one of these super alpha stud males (an alcoholic one) finding value in someone who wasn’t arm candy and/or just a goldigger. She doesn’t need him for support or social standing. He doesn’t need her to prove his status. Ty and Liz end up together because they discover they really dig each other.

The other watershed incident is Elliott Rodger and his rampage at at UC Santa Barbara. This was a guy in the “Louie” mode who got turned down by the alpha females. I’m not including any pictures because he doesn’t deserve that much attention.

Instead of eating his feelings or getting a pet, he stabbed his roommates, got in his car and went looking for women to shoot. I started to read his 141 page tirade online and gave up. He takes NO responsibility for his life.

A friend has a daughter in her early 20s who is an attractive young woman. She is subject to a lot of unwanted attention including a strange man on the city bus playing with her hair and saying, “You’re so pretty, I just couldn’t resist” to excuse his behavior (Her mom bought her a bejeweled pepper spray dispenser).

This is the mindset behind burkas, behind blaming rape victims, behind fighting reform of handling sexual assault cases in the military. It’s why in 2012, we had a number of political candidates making stupid, stupid comments about rape like “the female body has a way of shutting that down” (Yeah, Todd Akin. You’re a douche) in order to deny women the right to control their bodies.

“We can’t be bothered to control ourselves, Ladies, so we’re leaving that responsibility up to you. Yep.” (With a big, dopey smile and some furtive “pocket pool.”)

There have been cases of fashion models in New York City disfigured by men who’d been turned down for dates (acid or knives to the face). Someone close to me revealed that she’d lost her virginity in college to date rape. And she has always been one of the alpha girls with the carefully turned-out appearance, big charming smile, flirty demeanor. This is scary shit

So, it’s acceptable for the not-so-good-looking guys to turn down the less-than-10 girls, but if THEY get turned down, it’s a denial of a right? Fuck that.

First of all: Ladies, if you want better men, START RAISING THEM. Teach your sons, your nephews, your brothers what it means to respect a woman. Trust me, they will not learn this shit from their stupid little friends and depending on the adult men in your life, maybe not from the role models around them. Try giving them a beautifully-wrapped box full of excrement to learn that the exterior doesn’t always indicate what’s inside and maybe that girl who’s a good friend may turn out to be something more and something special.

Secondly: VOTE. We. Women, are the MAJORITY in the US. It is goddamn time we elected representatives to our state legislatures and and Federal government who actually fucking represented OUR interests and not those of Super PACs, the “Christian Right,” or those people who want to push the nation’s power dynamic back to the 1950s when white men were the undisputed kings. That needs to be stopped.

These Foolish Things

Finding Inner Strength

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Avian Rotation

Who Needs Feminism? You Do.

On Figuring Out What I Need to Succeed

Things to Ponder