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Mess Not With Authors

You know, I believe in peace and love, be the change you want to see in the world, what goes around comes back around times three, if someone bothers you, just wish them good luck so that they’ll be too distracted by it to bother you, I’m learning to meditate, I have an impressive collection of gemstone Buddhas, you get the idea.

Peace and love and all that jazz

Peace and love and all that jazz

There are times, however, when all that goes by the wayside and what I want to really do would get me three hots and a cot for years if not the rest of my natural life.

These times are generally tied to someone deciding they need to fuck up my life.

Case in point: Old man neighbor. I leave him alone. However, he tries to block the path when I’m returning from walking my cousin’s dogs (the Assistant and the Intern). Cousin does not want him messing with the dogs, I don’t want to waste time because I generally must get back to work and don’t have time to indulge him. He will try to distract them while I have them out doing their business by whistling. The Intern must have a form of doggy ADD because it’s hard to keep her focused on peeing and pooping unless she really has to go. She is his target because she is extremely cute. “Oh, the little perro.” And he will block the sidewalk when I try to return. I have taken to cutting across the grass. He has “chased” me to the door because I evaded him. He doesn’t like that. I almost threw a bag of poop at him. That I had picked up (the Intern’s).

Now he’s told the management company that I don’t pick up poop. It’s a lie. Just because I won’t let him do what he wants. So either he blocks the path or traps me at the front door while I’m trying to get animals inside. This is a tort called “false imprisonment.”

It’s also sexism.

I’ve had dealings before with cranky old men who don’t like my non-submissive attitude. You’re not paying my bills, you’re not running my life.

Now I have to deal with another old fart who’s decided to be an asshole because I don’t obey him.

And here’s where the meditation comes in. And visualization.

I am not seeing myself pounding on his door and verbally tearing him a new one. I am not seeing myself gently applying a baseball bat to his head.

Well, I can. Legally.

I’m an author. I can write his nasty old bossy ass into a story and kill it, beat it, berate it, anything I want.

You are warned

You are warned

Never screw with an author.

george rr martin

And he hates my Patriots

And he hates my Patriots

“And a Round of Encouragement for the House”

As I write this, I am truly irritated: I have had a whopping 5 Kindle sales this month and 3 of them have been returned. Hey, if you’re one of those assholes who think they’re so clever and smart for beating the system and reading books for free, I have a few words for you:

1) No, It’s Not Okay link. I’ve written about this before.

2) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

 You want to read e-books for free? GET A MOTHER FUCKING LIBRARY CARD! DO YOU EAT OUT OF THE BULK BINS AT THE GROCERY STORE? OR MAKE NACHOS FOR YOURSELF AT A SALAD BAR WITHOUT PAYING? (I have seen this at the Hannaford store in Concord, NH on Fort Eddy Rd) WERE YOU RAISED TO THINK LOW LEVEL THEFT ISN’T THEFT? IT IS, SHITHEAD.

3) I advise ceasing and desisting this behavior immediately. I won’t come mess you up, but I can’t answer for Karma.  She sees all, she knows all, and she sees to it that what goes around comes around. You WILL end up paying for all those stolen books, maybe not monetarily, but you will end up paying.

However, that’s not what I’m writing about today.

It is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the USA. I can tell it has finally been accepted as a holiday because there are now appliance sales attached to it. Labor Day gets cars, President’s Day gets mattresses and linens, Dr. King gets appliances. Okay. It’s an acknowledgement.

My first memory of Dr. King is the news of his assassination. I was 6 and my parents had gone out for the evening. My brother was in charge and I remember him leaving a note for my parents on the bannister by the front door. I learned who he was after his death.

I’m referencing Dr. King today due to two memes circulating one Facebook.

The first:

Dr King on persistence

I needed this particular reminder today. My life has been at a standstill and an unpleasant one at that. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s scary as all hell, I will not kid you. I’m almost 53; this is a time in my life when I’m supposed to be  financially secure, in my own home, done with raising a family, and winding down towards a placid retirement. Notice the use of the phrase “supposed to be.” Secure? Not so much. Done raising a family? Hell, I never even started. Retirement? Are you kidding me? The way things are going, I’ll be lucky to be in the first batch of Soylent Green (look it up). I’m not alone, either. I have what should be highly marketable job skills and education. They’re not proving to be the competitive edge they should be. I’m not alone, either. THAT, my friend, is extremely scary. It’s not just me.

So, having seen the above picture a couple of times today, I will crawl forward. And do so every day.

what are you doing for others

This picture hit me today because it ties into a book I’m reading:

Super rich

Super Rich by Russell Simmons

(I had no idea the guy was a vegan and yoga enthusiast).

lotus pose russell simmons

(I look at that and my right knee say, “Nuh uh, Baby” I used to)

Anyway, Mr. Simmons speaks of giving and attraction. I first heard about this book listening the Mark & Brian show on KLOS in 2011. I went back and listened to the archived interview to get the quotes (it took me a while to get the book):

“Give your talents until others can’t live without them.”

“Good givers are great getters.”

“Rid yourself of neediness. Needing nothing is a state of bliss.”

“Operate from a happy space.”

“Let go of results, stay focused on the work itself, rather than the result. Work is the prayer.”

(And those are quotes jotted down from a radio interview. I’m sure they pop up in his book)

Work is the prayer…

I’m not seeing results right now. Keep writing. Got it.

I have a bunch of inspirational quotes in the notebook that has the above.

joel osteen

Joel Osteen. I’m not big on televangelists, but sometimes, I hear something I need to hear.

” Prophecy something good Whatever you’re constantly saying, you’re moving towards. [If you’re not happy with where you’re going] Send words in a different direction.”

How does this tie to the rant at the top of the the post? Simple. I know enough to change my direction and focus on what I’m creating. I am willing to give it away until others cannot live without it. However, those who take pride in theft, in cheating others, and do not change their ways will continue on that path until it bites them in the ass. That’s just the law of averages; sooner or later, someone is not going to just “let it go” and the results will be ugly and shameful for the thief.

So I will keep crawling forward, in the direction of my choosing, to give my gift to others until they cannot live without it. And as for those who would undermine the effort: When you fuck over someone, Karma looks a lot like this:

untouchables-1

See the guy in the front? He’s about to experience karma, courtesy of Al Capone.

No, It’s Not Okay

I write this blog, but I also write books. A shit ton of work goes into them, creating characters, bringing them to life, deciding what you’re going to remove/change after the first draft (and the second and the third…). Then are the costs of hiring an editor (it’s the smart move), a graphic designer to create your cover, blog tour coordinators, the cost of printing books, having merchandise made up, fees for signing events (Yeah, we have to pay them), travel expenses.

Part of the proceeds from my day job go to supporting my writing habit (because it sure as shit isn’t supporting me. Yet)

People have a notion of published authors that’s about 20-30 years behind the times: “Oh, look. She has a book out. She must have gotten a big fat advance check from a publisher because look- there’s her book.” Everybody knows that if you’ve published a book (or been in a movie or put out a CD) that you must be rich because ‘all of those people are so wealthy. The money just walks through the door every day.’

uncle pennybags

No, actually, it doesn’t.

The publishers have become extremely cautious (buyouts by media conglomerates and having MBAs running the joint instead of editors and writers will do that). I had a sheaf of rejection letters to rival Snoopy’s (Snoopy had a big pile of them). Nothing published. Then, self-publishing became affordable for individuals like me and the social media made publicity free/cheap/affordable. I haven’t sold a lot of books yet, but that’s in the works.

Have you ever bought an article of clothing with the intention of wearing it once, then returning it for a full refund? Yeah: we have that issue in e-book publishing. People buy a book on Kindle, read it and request a full refund from Amazon. The end result is that $1.98 in royalties that I had earned (and folks? Sometimes that’s IT for weeks) gets taken back. And claiming “I bought the wrong book” or “I didn’t like it” kind of rings hollow when you have a  Goodreads bookshelf titled “Bought and Returned Books” and there are 836 titles on it. I shit you not; there are people who are not only sociopathic enough to do this, they’re also FUCKING STUPID enough to mark a bookshelf as such. Really? This is the Information Age. They found Bin Laden. They found Richard III. Shit, they even found Waldo: do you really think your dumb, thieving ass is safe?

stolen ebook

I belong to several independent author groups on Facebook and one of the other members had her book go “live” (available) on Amazon and within 5 hours, it had been pirated.

ebook_piracy_stats_attributor

Not cool. We who actually do the work are losing money.

I graduated from a law school that specialized in intellectual property law: patent, trademark, and copyright (DING DING DING). While I was not in the IP program, I am still tight with people who were not only in the program, but top of the freakin’ class. I don’t buy/use/view pirated DVDs (and have dropped dimes to Disney, Amazon, and MGM on those who have tried to pass off pirated copies as the real deal. Done the same with people selling fake Vuitton. Did I get a free Stephen Sprouse Speedy as a “merci’ from Vuitton? Non) The prevailing attitude is that “it’s no big deal.” Why? Because people think that if you have a published book, music album, or a video on Youtube, the Mississippi River of money (and yes, I did the thing in my head to spell Mississippi correctly) is flowing into your house.

It’s theft. The “buy and return” is theft by deception aka FRAUD. The conventional wisdom is that it’s nearly impossible to win a fraud conviction because you have to prove intent. I’d call a Goodreads shelf marked “bought and returned” pretty hard evidence of intent. (And these fucktards give high ratings to the books they read and return).

Hey, if  you like it, then you put a ring on it. Jay-Z did.

beyonce

And Beyonce would NEVER “buy and return.”

thief2

We’ll get to this in a moment.

Let’s say for a minute that you are a salesman. Your pay is on commission; in order to get paid, you have to sell. Houses, cars, CLOTHING (looping back to “buy and return”). Your compensation for your time and effort for the employer is based on how productive you were in bringing money in the door. Here’s the thing: that dress that you sold two days ago? You WERE getting paid for it. That is you WERE until the shitweasel brought it back for a refund. Now, it’s deducted from your pay. The pay that you worked so damned hard to earn. And if enough people do it, you have worked  for free.

How does it feel? Let’s see you pay your light bill or put gas in your car with $0 pay.

Bottom line, if you “buy and return,” you are a douche bag. Oh, I’m disrespectful? To someone knowingly and intentionally committing fraud? FUCK YOU.

When you buy and return, you are stealing. It’s fraud. And, in this age of electronically stored receipts and people eager to tell you everything about themselves, it’s no longer so difficult to prove if you’re a repeat offender (I cannot get over the person on Goodreads who is so fucking dumb as to mark a shelf “Bought and Returned.” AND SHE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!)

karma cafe

Look, you want to read a book for free? Get a library card. And they lend…(wait for it)… e-books.

Got an Amazon Prime account? You can borrow from the Kindle Lending Library for…FREE (the authors still get paid something). In fact, watch Amazon’s Kindle Store because free downloads are offered every day.

Watch Facebook for people promoting books and look for blog tours and GIVEAWAYS. Hell, in those Rafflecopter giveaways, you can win Kindle Fires, bracelets (I have to fix them first), autographed copies of the featured book, e-books from other authors who donate.

Join Goodreads and enter every giveaway on there: even the heavy hitters like Michael Chabon, J.K. Rowling, and Dan Brown offer books in Goodreads giveaways.I OFFER BOOKS IN GOODREADS GIVEAWAYS. GIVE-A-WAY, as in “you don’t pay for it.”  It’s called PROMOTION.

You don’t have to be a lying,  thieving douche bag because karma will bite your ass.

karma dogs